"Yes, yes, Alyosha," Natasha chimed in, " he's on our side, he's a brother to us, he has forgiven us already, and without him we shall not be happy. I've told you already. . . . Ah, we're cruel children, Alyosha! But we will live all three together. . . . Vanya!" she went on, and her lips began to quiver. "You'll go back home now to them. You have such a true heart that though they won't forgive me, yet when they see that you've forgiven me it may soften them a little. Tell them everything, everything, in your own words, from your heart; find the right words. . . . Stand up for me, save me. Explain to them all the reasons as you understand it. You know, Vanya, I might not have brought myself to it, if you hadn't happened to be with me today! You are my salvation. I rested all my hopes on you at once, for I felt that you would know how to tell them, so that at least the first awfulness would be easier for them. Oh, my God, my God! . . . Tell them from me, Vanya, that I know I can never be forgiven now; if they forgive me, God won't forgive; but that if they curse me I shall always bless them and pray for them to the end of my life. My whole heart is with them! Oh, why can't we all be happy! Why, why! . . . My God, what have I done!" she cried out suddenly, as though realizing, and trembling all over with horror she hid her face in her hands.
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